Here’s one for you comic book fans out there!
How much would you pay for a big bunch of comic books — indeed, a laundry basket full of comic books?
Wait, before you answer: What if I were to sweeten the deal and tell you that they all appear to be fairly recent — oh, between ten and twenty years old? None of that musty old “Golden Age” and “Silver Age” crap here, no sir!
Got a price in mind?
Well, don’t tell me yet, because there’s more: It’s a veritable grab bag! And they’re all packaged up tight as a drum — so as to the actual titles, you won’t know until you get home! Fun!
Now what would you pay?
Hold on! Because you should know that a generous, nay, inordinate amount of packing tape has been used to securely seal them in their plastic tomb, er…tote! That is to say, you don’t have to worry about any of them falling out on the way to the car! Especially the ones on the top, to which the tape is directly, permanently and irremovably adhered to!
So, whaddaya thinking, price-wise…?
Well, what if I were to tell you that you’re wrong, and this treasure chest of comics is available to you for the incredible, amazing, fantastic, uncanny low, low price of…
And don’t forget: You’re getting that laundry basket, too!
Here’s one I’ve been saving for the summer, when the winter-themed imagery below will help everyone enjoy a much-needed break from all the hot weather!
It’s a snow globe!
At least I think it’s a snow globe. Here, let me shake it up to be sure…
Yep, yep — it’s a snow globe!
Unfortunately, I have no idea what it’s a snow globe of!
There’s something in there, I think, but God only knows what it is, for all the dirty water!
Now get this: It was originally priced, on February 10th of last year (I told ya I’d been sitting on these pics for while!), for $3.99. You’re a reasonable person so you’ll concede, won’t you, that a secondhand snow globe with water so filthy-dirty that you can’t tell what’s inside is, shall we say, a tad overpriced at $3.99, right?
But it didn’t sell!
So they re-priced it on March 2nd…
…for four dollars more!
Gee, Thanks Fr iend.
Yes, I’d love to share in the bounty of your box of candy with the toilet-seat lid.
I notice, however, you’re not quite so generous with the wine on the table behind you.
Saw this one in Westero—— …er, Simi Valley’s Goodwill store some months ago, but I cleverly saved it until “Game of Thrones” was back on the air:
Dreamy, exiled bastard Jon Snow! Seen here as part of Funko’s Game of Thrones Legacy Collection! And look carefully at the crappy photo below: This particular figure is apparently from the extremely rare “Jon Snow as Marilyn Monroe from ‘The Seven Year Itch'” series…
…where Jon’s cape has been provocatively blown up from a subway grate on top of the Wall. Either that or someone opened the box, pulled Jon out, and then crammed ‘im back in without repositioning the cape in his blister pack [industry term] coffin.
Now, I don’t watch your so-called “Games a’ Thrones,” so I don’t know if Jon Snow is dead yet or not. But unless he gets his hand lopped off as depicted here…
…I’d say the store’s price of $7.99 (!) may be a tad steep.
There it is! There’s the snapped-off appendage, rattling around in the bottom of the box.
I suppose if you’ve got a Longclaw-like sword to hack through all that excessive packing tape they’ve inexplicably seen fit to bound this in…and then you can employ the magical services of some sort of red priestess — or someone with a tube of super glue — to reattach his hand, I guess you could make the argument that $7.99 isn’t completely out of line.
But it’s a pretty flimsy argument. It’s a good bet that no one’s going to buy this thing.
Unless Tyrion Lannister wanders into this particular Goodwill.
I understand he has a tender spot in his heart for cripples, bastards and broken things.
If I had a nickel for every item I’ve seen at 99¢ Only for 99¢ only and then later at Goodwill for a much higher price, I’d be a rich man, indeed. And not just rich in good health, family and friends as I am now, but rich in nickels which is of course what I prefer.
But I’ll be generous and cut the people who price the donations at Goodwill some slack on that, because not everyone can be as well-versed in 99¢ Only store merchandise as you or I.
However, I won’t be as magnanimous with this:
It’s a Kitchen brand Microwave Splatter Screen. Brand new — never been used, by the looks of that label! Not sure where it came from originally — could be a dollar store item, could be from one of your larger retailers. Who’s to say?
Regardless, we all can see this on the label, can’t we?
And then, a few inches away, we’ve got Goodwill’s price:
Now, I think the problem here is that at least a while back — from what a cashier told me — the Goodwills in my area weren’t pricing anything lower than $1.99. Which, frankly, doesn’t make a lot of sense (especially for this area, hoo boy!), but if that was their policy, then stuff like this shouldn’t even make it out to the sales floor [industry term].
Goodwill oughta just re-donate such merchandise to thrift stores — good thrift stores — that do price things lower than a buck. Or just give this stuff away. Or throw it in the garbage.
Because when you, Goodwill, try to sell something for two bucks in a thrift store that retails for half that (and is marked as such), you’re going to end up with customers at the counter arguing with the cashiers and trying to get them to sell it to them for the original price — and then when the cashiers don’t, you’re going to end up with customers using filthy, filthy language, possibly throwing things, and probably invoking some sort of peasant curse against the employee. (Most customers other than me in my area thrift stores, I’ve noticed, are pushy, awful, awful people who, I think it’s safe to assume, dabble in black magic.)
What’s worse — you’re going to end up showcased on my popular “Overpriced Goodwill Item of the Week” feature and mocked mercilessly by my, what, six regular readers. Probably.