AS REGULAR READERS of this blog know, last week the Parsnips clan got in some early, pre-spring camping up at Sequoia and this is the first time we brought along Evan, five. Oh, he’s a little dickens, he is. He insisted on taking a box of Totino’s Salmon Puffs into his tent with him when he went to bed “in case I get hungwy in da middoo of da night.”
Aw, how precious.
Yeah, well, we all thought so, too – until a 600 pound black bear ripped his tent open at two in the morning carried him off. “Let go of the Salmon Puffs!” I yelled. I mean, if you’re going to have to organize a search party at that hour you want to be able to offer the rangers something to eat, right?
As luck would have it, when Evan dropped the food, the bear dropped him. (And took off with the Puffs – of course.) So all is fine, right? A splash of hydrogen peroxide on the puncture wounds, a coupla dozen Buzz Lightyear Band-Aids here and there, and let’s all get back to bed – I’ve got a long drive back tomorrow.
No, of course not, my life is never that easy. Ever since we got home, the kid’s afraid of the dark, and when it’s daytime, all he does is talk, and whine, and cry about this little mishap – yap yap yap yap yap!
And then these hideous drawings! He finishes one, and then he get started right away on another one, and they’re all the same! You’d figure with his right arm in a sling, he might give it a rest, but he’s a boy possessed! Sheesh!
“Well, you’re the one who wanted to bring the salmon puffs into your tent,” I’ve reminded him. Like that does any good!
Look, folks, I work at home – I can’t have him going on and on and on about this all day long. I’m getting nothing done here!
So we figured the best thing to do, short of returning him to the foster child depot (and losing out on that check!) was get him enrolled in some sort of daycare place. Maybe being around other kids his own age, he can work through this issue or play Legos or something to keep him occupied. Regardless, this way, he’d be someone else’s problem for fourteen or sixteen hours a day, right?
I flipped through the phone book and came across a day care facility up the street. “Hmm, Melody Child Care – that has a nice ring to it,” I announced, and having come up with such a witty line, I figured I was pretty much committed to this place.
Anyway, first thing Monday morning, I’m dropping him off there and thankfully all this bear nonsense will be behind us.
…but judging by this photo in the slideshow I was clicking through earlier, they evidently took some liberties with the source material.
“Hello, welcome to Wendy’s – what can I get for you today?”
“I think I’d like to try that new salad you’re advertising.”
“Excellent. Which one?”
“Which one…? The Asian Cashewy BBQ Ranch Chicken salad, I think it’s called.”
“Um… …Just a moment, sir. Budek, did you update the sign outside like I told you?”