*Second best would be newspapers, and that’s what we have for you today.
“Your mother’s too weak to make dinner tonight so everyone into the car, gang — we’re going to Rickett’s!”
“Aw, gee, Pop, it’s so dark in that place and they’re always out of milk.”
“Enough of your bellyaching and help your sister with her leg braces.”
“I’ll bet Zelda Fitzgerald doesn’t have to wear funny hats to help support her husband’s writing career.”
“I, um, wouldn’t know, Mrs. Cronin.”
“And that Pauline Pfeiffer. You think Hemingway has her doing these sort of things?”
“I’m sorry, ma’am. I-I’m really just here to take the photo.”
“…the lovely bride-to-be is the daughter of Mildred and Nosferatu McMullen.”
“…And that Grace Kelly. You think Hitchcock has her doing these sort of things?”
Note that Hollywood Bread featured “a particular blend of selected ingredients” — as opposed to those lesser brands made with just a random combination of whatever’s handy.
Directions: Swallow two tablets with a full glass of goat’s blood every four hours. Do not mix with pea soup.
“Billy Ray Wilder and Libby Ferguson were picked as Homecoming King & Queen by sympathetic and increasingly unnerved members of the Class of 1952 after Billy Ray was tragically killed in a car accident last month but reluctant to completely leave this world and move on…”