1. All Action Figures Must Die!

    Thank You Free Online Photo Editor!

    Saw this one in Westero——  …er, Simi Valley’s Goodwill store some months ago, but I cleverly saved it until “Game of Thrones” was back on the air:

    Dreamy, exiled bastard Jon Snow! Seen here as part of Funko’s Game of Thrones Legacy Collection! And look carefully at the crappy photo below: This particular figure is apparently from the extremely rare “Jon Snow as Marilyn Monroe from ‘The Seven Year Itch'” series…


    …where Jon’s cape has been provocatively blown up from a subway grate on top of the Wall. Either that or someone opened the box, pulled Jon out, and then crammed ‘im back in without repositioning the cape in his blister pack [industry term] coffin.

    Now, I don’t watch your so-called “Games a’ Thrones,” so I don’t know if Jon Snow is dead yet or not. But unless he gets his hand lopped off as depicted here…


    …I’d say the store’s price of $7.99 (!) may be a tad steep.


    Oh, wait!


    There it is! There’s the snapped-off appendage, rattling around in the bottom of the box.

    I suppose if you’ve got a Longclaw-like sword to hack through all that excessive packing tape they’ve inexplicably seen fit to bound this in…and then you can employ the magical services of some sort of red priestess — or someone with a tube of super glue — to reattach his hand, I guess you could make the argument that $7.99 isn’t completely out of line.

    But it’s a pretty flimsy argument. It’s a good bet that no one’s going to buy this thing.

    Unless Tyrion Lannister wanders into this particular Goodwill.


    I understand he has a tender spot in his heart for cripples, bastards and broken things.

    Posted by on April 29, 2015, 12:14 PM.

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