1. ¿What’s Bueno? ¡Jesus Christ!


    Potentially the most bueno items offered in the 99¢ Only Store ever.

    It’s Jesus. Playing soccer. In a soccer outfit and His robe.

    And then there’s this one:

    It’s hard to see, but Jesus is carrying a semi-automatic rifle at his side.

    When Jesus Christ is depicted hiding an M16 in the folds of his robe, it would seem that somewhere along the way, His gentle message of peace has been misinterpreted.

    Also available was this figure:

    “Do you know why I pulled you over?”
    “Well, I–”
    “I’ll tell you why. We have a helmet law in this state. Not a ‘crown-of-thorns’ law. A helmet law. You think that thing’s going to protect you when you plow into the back of a bingo bus at sixty miles an hour?”

    Others available in the series included Jesus as a football player, a bullrider, a homeless man, a skateboarder, and a rock climber. He’s wearing his robe in each one, which to me, would seem to get in the way. But without the robe and crown of thorns (removable!), how would you know it’s Him?

    Here’s the one that went home with me:

    I don’t surf but for 99¢ only, you don’t have to surf to appreciate something as exquisite as this.

    The level of detail on these figures was surprisingly high.

    It’s a nice touch that Jesus has his own logo, and it’s not only on his surfboard…

    …but also on his wetsuit.

    It should be noted that these figures were not intended as goofs, as jokes, as ironic action figures. I did some reading on them and it seems the creator (of the figures, not the Creator) looks at them as a way of telling people that Jesus is always with you, wherever you are, whatever you’re doing.

    That’s a comforting thought in theory.

    But if Jesus loses his grip, He’ll just ascend right up to Heaven. If you slip and let go, you may do the same thing eventually, but you’re going to hit the rocks below first.

    Posted by on December 4, 2012, 4:38 AM.

Ted Parsnips: Too Many Kittens! © 2011–2024 Ted Parsnips. All rights reserved. Layout by Andrew Sylvester. All content property of Ted Parsnips or its respective owner, unless otherwise specified.