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To Bolt-ly Go Where Most Men Have Never Gone Before!
AS YOU KNOW, Friday nights are a special time for the Parsnips clan. We drive two hours away to the closest Long John Silver’s, have ourselves a good healthy meal and then the real fun starts: We backtrack another two-and-a-half hours to Jo-Ann’s at Porter Ranch to check out the new fabric patterns! It’s a weekly tradition!
Yes, yes, I know – the truck comes on Thursdays, but sometimes they don’t get all the new bolts of fabric out until the next day, so it just makes sense to make it a Friday thing. (Oh believe me, I filled out a complaint card. Useless. Absolutely useless!)
Anyway: as you also know, I’ve been a lifelong “Star Trek” fan all my life – why, for as long as I can remember. I’ve been in the fan club since I was knee-high to a Wookiee (Star Trek reference), and I’m proud to call myself a serious, devoted Trekeroo, as we true fans refer to ourselves. (Please, please don’t call us “Treksters.” It sickens us.)
So today I came across something fascinating at Jo-Ann’s:
See, even Dr. Spock agrees, with characteristic enthusiasm!
It was a whole bolt of Star Trek fleece!
Although apparently there was a little bit of a mix-up at the fabric factory, as they included an image of Lee Majors as the “$6 Million Man” on it as well. No…no, wait, upon closer examination, it is fact in Kirk, but it’s from that episode where he contracts Space Palsy and half of his face is temporarily paralyzed. (As you recall, they cured Kirk by sending him back and forth through the, whaddayacall, the zapper.)
Here, look at it some more! Look at it some more while I try to come up with some sort of Starfleet / Starfleece pun.
Aaah, it’s just not coming. I got nothing here. But the fleece is pretty neat, right?
And look, there’s more! Not fleece, but regular, cotton print fabric!
There’s their ship, the beloved Jupiter! Will they ever get back home?
And here’s even more fabric!
This particular print in noteworthy because the ship seems to have gone through a pop culture warp and somehow ended up in the same science fiction universe as the space station in “2001: A Space Odyssey.” Which makes even less sense than me intentionally getting basic Star Trek details wrong yet being able to correctly identify the space station in “2001.”
There’s more yet!
And, brother, I saved the best for last!
By Grabthar’s hammer, that’s not just Star Trek fabric, it’s Star Trek fabric with the print made of vintage 1960s Gold Key comic book covers! You know how much I love vintage 1960s Gold Key comic book covers!
Here’s a slightly closer-up closeup!
Here’s where I appeal to you, my vast readership of, what, six people: Look, one of you must know how to make curtains. I think we’re all in agreement that it’s time for me to grow up, take down Huckleberry Hound from the bedroom windows and put something up a little less juvenile. Whaddayasay? I send you the fabric and the dimensions, you sew ’em up for me.
Or, if that’s too complicated, maybe you could design a nice, roomy muu-muu. I don’t mind telling you, those hush puppies are just like Tribbles – for every one you eat, you want eight more.
Ted Parsnips
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