1. That Rumbling You’re Hearing Is Walt Disney and Jim Henson Both Rolling Over In Their Graves Simultaneously

    Now available at – guess! – you got it, Walmart!


    Featuring some of your favorite characters as you’ve never seen them before!


    How many times have we seen this at the gym, fellas? You get obsessed with all that upper-body work but you forget about the legs. You gotta work out those quads and hamstrings, too, son. Not just the glamour muscles!


    Hoo boy. First, those killjoy nannies at Children’s Television Workshop started showing Cookie Monster enjoying healthy foods and having him tell anyone who asked that “cookies are a sometimes food.”  Now this.

    And that cookie barbell, while undoubtedly delicious, will only confuse kids more.

    Then there’s this one, which is even more disturbing:


    According to the PBS website, “Elmo is a 3 ½-year-old red monster with a high-pitched voice and a contagious giggle.” Hmm…looks like someone’s been stacking and cycling a few too many anabolic gummy multivitamins. Now Elmo’s got a high-pitched voice and a hair-trigger temper. And probably a lot of bacne under all that fur.

    Maybe it’s time someone call Monster Protective Services.

    Posted by on April 25, 2014, 8:35 AM.

Ted Parsnips: Too Many Kittens! © 2011–2024 Ted Parsnips. All rights reserved. Layout by Andrew Sylvester. All content property of Ted Parsnips or its respective owner, unless otherwise specified.