Six Dollars My Ass!

SOMETHING struck me the other day when I was looking up at the menu board at my local Carl’s Jr., and no, it was not an enormous cockroach erratically fluttering down from a damp and stained acoustic ceiling tile, causing me to run out the door and into the parking lot, shrieking like a little girl and knocking over an old woman with a walker in the process. (I said Carl’s Jr., not Arby’s.)

No, what struck me was not something physical, but a thought.  A realization, to be more precise.

Remember back in 2001 when Carl’s Jr. – and for those of you lucky enough to live in the good, God-fearing regions of this country, Hardees – introduced their signature sandwich, the Six Dollar Burger, that would soon become their signature sandwich? Of course you do – why, we all do.

The whole concept behind that particular menu item was that, why, it was just the sort of burger you’d expect to pay the lofty sum of $6 for at a sit-down restaurant – you know, at your Applebee’s, your T.G.I. Friday’s, your Jazzburger’s, and so on.

Well, here we are ten blessed years later and as you can see by this coupon Carl’s Jr.’s Six Dollar Burger is still a staple on their menu. One might even say that over the last decade it’s become their signature sandwich.

And just how much is the Six Dollar Burger today?

$5.69.

In Los Angeles, where sales tax is king (yet is completely impotent in bailing out the sinking bankrupt ship that is circling the drain of this disgusting toilet of a city, to mix a few metaphors) you’ll pay a total of $6.19.

Six dollars and nineteen cents!

So, ladies and gentlemen, you’ll be paying more than $6 for their signature Six Dollar Burger, so-named originally because, why, it’s the kind of burger you’d happily pay $6 for at a sit-down restaurant. Happily!

My advice to you?

Oh-my-God go out right now and get their Six Dollar Steakhouse Burger. Right now!

Brother, if you like crispy fried onions, A-1 Steak Sauce and crumbled blue cheese not to mention Swiss cheese (!) plus everything else that goes on a decent hamburger – a real man’s hamburger! –  like I do, and I know you do, get your fat ass into Carl’s Jr. now and get one.  Hurry! It’s only there for a limited time.

And don’t worry, we’ll get started on our class action lawsuit about this “[Actually More Than] Six Dollar Burger” nonsense they’re trying to pull just as soon as this Steakhouse Burger promotion of theirs is over.

Posted by Ted on January 10, 2012, 4:00 AM.