Perfect Last Minute Gift Idea!

YES, yes, I know in this joyous religion-neutral holiday season, the last thing I should be doing is cramming something non-secular down your throats. But if I know you, and I do, you’re still rushing around trying to pick up not only that last-minute gift but also that perfect gift as, say, either a simple remembrance for the postman (oh, oh, pardon me – postperson), or perhaps to mark your first romantic holiday with your fiancée – and you’ll take any help you can get.

It’s rare indeed when these two categories – “last minute” and “perfect” – overlap into one gift but in this case, you’ll agree that they do:

It’s a marvelous jigsaw puzzle featuring Jesus and all the kids!

From Matthew 12:8-12:  The little children didst gather around Him as He spake unto them a parable; the one about the barren fig tree and the unjust servant, and something about a foolish merchant or someone. And lo, He began to loseth their interest somewhere around the part about the prodigal mustard seed, so then He pulled out His ventriloquist dummy, Buddy Sheckels, and verily, the children grew slightly less restless, and not a one wouldst betray that they could see His lips moveth quite plainly.

Anyway, the beauty part here, pal, is they’re thinking you paid $8.95 for this thing. The fact that you picked it up at the 99¢ Only store…? Our little secret.

Speaking of Christ: Christ Almighty, that store should be paying me for all the free advertising they get on this blog. Or they could maybe give me a gift card once in a while. Or at least look the other way and not be so quick to call the cops if a tiny bottle of vanilla extract (that turned out to not even have alcohol in it!) should somehow accidentally fall into my pocket. Yeah, I’m talking to you, Adelina, assistant manager at Store #214, corner of DeSoto and Chatsworth.

Posted by Ted on December 24, 2011, 3:54 AM.