1. Best $1.88 I Ever Spent!

    SO I was at the grocery store earlier and I saw this sign!

    Tuscan cantaloupe? Don’t care. It’s the

    that we’re interested in.

    “Hey Ted! What are you listening to?”
    “Oh, hey. I’m kinda into the early 90s now…? Your own…personalwatermelon. Someone to hear your prayers, someone who cares…”

    “One of these days, Ted, I need to introduce you to Dulcinea.”
    “Not Dulcinea Pureheart!”
    “Yes! You’ve heard of her?”
    “Are you kidding? She’s a personal watermelon of mine!”

    “Jeez, Ted, look at you! Someone’s been hitting the gym…!”
    “Oh, thanks man. I’ve been working out with a personal watermelon.”

    “Lunch next week, Ted?”
    “Sounds good. Why don’t you call my personal watermelon and have her set it up?”

    “Ted! When did you get a Lexus?”
    “Hell, with the settlement my personal watermelon attorney got me, I’ve got a fleet of ’em!”

    “Thanks for coming down to Human Resources, Ted. This is never easy, but some of the other employees in your department – and I can’t name names –  well, there’s been some…concern about your personal watermelon.”

    Posted by on August 14, 2012, 5:23 AM.

Ted Parsnips: Too Many Kittens! © 2011–2023 Ted Parsnips. All rights reserved. Layout by Andrew Sylvester. All content property of Ted Parsnips or its respective owner, unless otherwise specified.