Appreciation Time Is Rolling Around Again!
Yep! Good ol’ Member Appreciation Day at my gym – this coming Thursday!
Now, I’m not sure exactly what they mean by “open house workouts,” but I’m fairly certain it’s a lot different from my pre-gym membership days in the glorious 1990s when “open house workouts” involved a copy of the Sunday paper and a Los Angeles Thomas Guide with Post-Its in the Beverly Hills, Brentwood and the Palisades sections.
I could usually get in about twenty minutes of good core exercises before the realtor started asking questions. Longer if there were a lot of other lookie-loos keeping her occupied. But once discovered, it was off to the next place on my list, with God-knows-what-equipment available – so cross-training became paramount to my regimen.
Some workout tips? Of course.
• Your time is valuable. But a half-hour the night before circling ads for estates listing “fitness room” among the amenities will save you wasted stops the next day.
• You’ll want to start at a home that has some decent cardio machines. The sellers have been advised to unclutter the place as much as possible, so be prepared to drag that treadmill out of the garage and into the middle of the living room before you can even start.
• Sign a famous person’s name – never your own! – on the sign-in sheet, being mindful of the part of town you’re in. “Channing Tatum” at a West Hollywood property all but ensures no one’s going to look twice at your fat ass on the rowing machine, as agents and buyers alike fan out to catch a glimpse of the star. Similarly, “Alec Baldwin” at a North-of-Wilshire address in Santa Monica is going to give you all the time you need on that Bowflex Revolution. Silverlake? Try “Shag” or “Zooey Deschanel” and suddenly you’re pretty much invisible to do as you please.
• It’s common courtesy to wipe down the equipment when you’re done. Ask where the linen closet is if you didn’t bring your own towel.
• I can’t stress enough the importance of a post-workout cool-down. Always finish up at a place that has a pool and a hot tub to relax the muscles. Most open houses end by four, so you might want to make sure your last property isn’t one of Broderick Tseng’s listings, or he’s going to join you in the jacuzzi with those two goddamn poodles of his.