1. 58 Energy Shots You Need To Ingest, Just For God’s Sake, Not All At Once! Part 4 In A Series!

    VITAMIN B12!

    As I’ve said before, I’m convinced it’s among the most energy-giving ingredients in energy shots, so the higher the percentage, the better, right? The more energy you’ll get, right? Hell, I sure think so! But maybe you’re concerned you’re going to do irreversible damage to your hypapituathyglavin gland and burn the little bastard out permanent-like. To this I say: Worry not, friend! I did a Google search! It’s all good! Still, I’m not the last word on serious medical issues – who do I look like, Jenny McCarthy?

    Anyway, let’s review a bunch more of these things, huh?


    Stacker2 6 Hour Power
    Price: $1.99 at RiteAid
    Calories: 0
    Vitamin B12: 500 mcg / 8333% RDA
    Flavors: Grape, Punch, Very Berry, Lemon-Lime, Orange
    Before: So very tired!
    After: Not so very tired.

    Stacker2 is to energy shots what Jel Sert is to freezer pops. They’re behind more energy shots than you can shake a stick at, and if you take a bunch of them at once, like I did for the purposes of these reviews, you won’t be able to stop shaking that stick for hours! Or just shaking! Ha!

    Stacker2 6 Hour Power gets points for having a lot of different flavors, and while the above three were bought at RiteAid…


    …this Very Berry one…


    …this Lemon-Lime one…


    …and this Orange one were all bought at Dollar Tree (which continues to carry a bunch of Stacker varieties, but the stores near me no longer carry these 6 Hour Powers). At 8333% of your recommended daily allowance of vitamin B12, these shots will pep you up some plus you’ll have enough B12 for the next, oh, let’s do some quick math here…almost the next three months. 


    Genesis Today Pure Energy Organic Energy Shot
    Price: $2.49 at Walmart
    Calories: 30
    Vitamin B12: 30 mcg / 500% RDA
    Flavors: Acaí Berry, Goji Berry
    Before: Dozing off
    After: Simultaneously watching Star Trek episodes “Errand of Mercy” and “Return to Tomorrow” (1980s Picture-In-Picture technology, folks!) while listening to Information Society’s “Tell Me What’s On Your Mind.”

    Two and a half bucks is a lot more than I like to pay for my energy shots. But I know a lot of you count on my site for reliable nutritional advice, so I picked this one up and you can pay me back when you can. Pure Energy is the only energy shot that’s packaged in a glass bottle, and that’s gotta count for something! It’s also got 100 milligrams of natural caffeine, and they underline it on the bottle, too, so I reckon that’s better for you than artificial, un-underlined caffeine. “USDA Organic” reads the label, so there’s that, if that’s something that interests you. Go back to Topanga Canyon, you long-haired hippy freak!


    Energy Now
    Price: 99¢ Only at the 99¢ Only store
    Calories: 0
    Vitamin B12: 125 mcg / 12.5% RDA
    Flavors: Mixed Berry, Citrus
    Before: Sleepy
    After: Grumpy

    Can’t you just see Jerry Stiller in a commercial revisiting his Seinfeld days shouting this product’s name – a paraphrased version of his memorable (one-episode) catchphrase?  Creation’s Garden, manufacturer of this energy shot, drop me a line and I’ll let you know where to send the check for this, my latest million-dollar idea. Frankly, such an advertising campaign could really give these shots the shot in the arm that they need, considering their Vitamin B12 level is a paltry 12.5% RDA. (Actually, they may want to check that: according to my calculations – based on US government recommended daily allowances – it’s actually 2083%) However, the biggest problem with Energy Now is a lack of ingredient-blending: I’ve had a number of different bottles, shaken up before opened, that had small bits of bitter, gritty white particles in them. Great, I’m in need of quick energy and I end up spending ten minutes standing over the sink rinsing my mouth of grainy vitamin supplement!

    Wow, that’s another nine more down! At this rate, we’ll finish this fool’s errand I idiotically embarked on – according to my calculations – sometime in 2016!

    …Serenity now!

    Posted by on July 13, 2013, 3:37 AM.

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