¿What’s Bueno? Toblerone!
Turns out I’m having another one of my “episodes” where I suddenly seem to disappear off the face of the earth and friends, relatives and local law enforcement all turn out to take part in a massive search for me and then I wake up four states away in a cheap motel wearing German Mennonite women’s clothing, with no idea how I got there.
Thankfully I somehow had the foresight to schedule, in advance, a bunch of these What’s Bueno at the 99¢ Only Store posts to keep interest in my blog at an all-time low while I’m gone!
Toblerone?! At the 99¢ Only Store!? No way!
When I was a kid, Toblerone bars were among the imported stuff that all the rich kids I went to school with got for Christmas. Toblerones, Paddington Bears, “Ant and Bee” books and those little blue cylinders of Pustefix bubbles. Oh how the mighty have fallen! Not the rich kids I went to school with; I’m sure they’re all just richer. Bastards. No, I’m talking about Toblerone! They’re selling them at the 99¢ Only store now! Finally, they’re within the reach of good, plain people like you and me.
Those wealthy a-holes I went to school with can piss their money away paying twice as much for these at their precious Trader Joe’s! No, I’m serious – they can and they will.
But this year I can at long last have the Christmas that Mother and Dad were tragically unable to provide for me as a child, despite how I longed for and deserved it. That is, so long as Ant & Bee, Paddington, and Pustefix all start showing up at the 99¢ Only Store, too. But if not, I can deal with it. After all, what kind of spoiled brat man-child really needs fancy bubble solution imported from Europe? Doesn’t regular dish soap work just as well?
Perhaps there’s a lesson to be learned from the austere simplicity of my plain white prayer bonnet.