Wendy’s Cheaps Out for 2013!

CAN you stand one more post about fast food?

Wait, why am I asking you that? Is someone holding a gun to your head making you come here once every ten weeks for twelve seconds, which according to my thorough reviewing of Google Analytics at 12:01 every night, is what you, what, six regulars do?

…No, seriously, is someone holding a gun to your head making you come here?

If so I want you to leave a cryptic message in the comments below. Something that doesn’t seem to make any sense whatsoever like “Hey, Ted, how about more of those Delightfully Anachronistic Package Design posts that we all enjoy so much? We haven’t seen one of those in a while!” That’ll tip me off that something ain’t right and then I’ll alert the proper authorities.

Oh, wait, I haven’t enabled comments…

Ah well.  Look, don’t worry, I’ve got more of those stupid Delightful Anachronistic dealies in the works. You’re going to be okay.

Where the hell was I? Ah yes: Can you stand one more post about fast food? Of course you can! We all can!

As you know, Wendy’s is my quick-serve (industry term) restaurant of choice when I’m watching my pocketbook and my figure!

Their restaurants are nice, clean, reasonably quiet and they’re carpeted, which is great for those of us who go around barefoot everywhere and are learning to eat with our feet  – just for fun, as a sort of personal challenge we’ve set for ourself for the new year.

One of the neat things about Wendy’s in Southern California is that for the last few years, they’ve offered these little keychain fobs you can buy. Then upon subsequent Wendy’s visits, you get a free little six-ounce Frosty free with your purchase. Just for showing them your fob!

One time I showed my fob to someone who didn’t ask to see it, and now I’m listed on a national online database!  Hey-o!

Like I said, you get a free six-ounce Frosty with your order! A Junior Frosty, it’s called. Six ounces isn’t much – it’s the same size cup as they give you when you ask for water, but it’s just enough. It’s just enough for a little treat after a nourishing meal at Wendy’s, sure.

The fobs of which I speak, they cost a buck. And don’t worry – all the dollars collected go to charity! For feral cats or something, I don’t know.

So in the past, these fobs, they’ve been good all year long. And with the frequency I eat at Wendy’s, brother, this thing pays for itself a dozen times over – and that’s just in the first few days of January!

But this year I noticed something troubling!

Look! Look!

Here’s a photo of my fobs. On the top is my old fob! On the bottom, my new fob!

The new fob expires at the end of June! That’s when it’s just starting to get hot around here! And that’s when Wendy’s decides, in its infinite wisdom, to cut off our Junior Frostys? What the hell is going on here?!

As if that’s not bad enough, their 5-piece Chicken Nuggets is completely gone from their Value Menu! No trace of it left, whatsoever. No explanation!  Poof!  Just gone! In its place? Something called the “4-piece Chicken Nuggets.” Whatever that is. Also there’s a “6-piece Chicken Nuggets” if you can wrap your head around that.

Now, if you’re like me, and I know you are, you’re nostalgic for the discontinued 5-piece Chicken Nuggets. I’m going to show you how to foodhack a 4-piece Chicken Nuggets into their beloved and much-missed 5-piece Chicken Nuggets which many of us remember fondly.

1. Buy their new 6-piece Chicken Nuggets for $1.49.

2. Eat all but one.

3. Then, that last delicious, nutritious, deep-fried soldier…? Put it on your keyring, right next to your fob. Go ahead, it’s okay.

4. The next time you go to Wendy’s, buy their new 4-piece Chicken Nuggets, and when you flash your fob to the gal behind the counter, you’ve got the fifth Chicken Nugget right there. Pluck it off, hand it to her, and ask that she toss it in the hopper with the other four they’re cookin’ up for you, so they’re all nice and warm. That’s all there is to it!

Oh, and be prepared for a lot of questions from all the curious (and envious) diners when they see you’ve got not six, not four, but the classic five-piece Chicken Nuggets! Also, if you’re like me, and I know you are, they might ask you to put on some shoes.

Posted by Ted on January 15, 2013, 2:13 AM.