1. To Ted It May Concern! July 3 Edition!

    LOOK, everyone!

    It’s another one of these delightful mailbag posts!

    As my blogging mentor, or as I call her, blogntor, Sylvia Haynes-Darden taught us in her Learning Appendix Class “Making Money In Foreclosures, We’ll Do Some Wine Tasting And Let’s Get You Started on WordPress If There’s Time” (well worth the $185 tuition, $65 materials cost, $25 corking fee, and the $1200+ I ended up paying for DUI-related charges from when I was pulled over on the way home) – eh, as she taught us, “One quick and easy way to come up with content for your blog when it’s getting late and you want to go to bed but you’re worried about not having posted something in a few days is to use emails as posts! Then your readers write your stupid blog for you!”

    And she’s right! I sent Sylvia a bunch of information about my failing marriage (I was also enrolled in “Making Twentieth Century Relationships Work In the Upcoming New Millennium” – a terrific online class which Sylvia’s been teaching for a dozen years or so!) and the next day, there it was on her blog – the entire email!

    Everything! My problem with the ferret being allowed to sleep in our bed, Karen’s complaints about my “performance,”* the time I got up on the roof (with a bullhorn) and cried like a baby because Karen gave my favorite mint green Old Navy ring-tee (with the salsa stains on the back) to Goodwill.  (Goodwill!  You know how I feel about them! So does Karen!), whether I should be concerned that it smells like blue cheese behind Karen’s ears or just suck it up and get down to business – everything – even that picture I sent to see if she could diagnose whether I had Pierogie’s Disease.

    *I was El Gallo in a local community theatre production of “The Fantasticks” last winter and accidentally sang “Rag Mop” instead of “Try to Remember” – a mistake I think anyone might easily make, Ed “Kookie” Ames being identified with both songs.

    Where was I? Oh yes, the point is, if you need blog content (“blogntent”) quick, just use the emails people send you! I mean, why not, right?

    Our first email is from a pal, Danny we’ll call him, who writes,

    “TED! I am just checking to make sure you weren’t the stabbing victim in the news story below. I know you recently had mentioned something about commanding down a plague of Morlock Spurlocks upon the chain.”

    Ha! I have to say that one just tickled me. Here’s the link ol’ Danny sent along:

    Del Taco Worker Allegedly Stabs Customer Who Complained About His Order.”

    First I want to say no, thank God, it was not me.

    Second, I want to thank Danny at least for his concern – out of this blog’s, what, six readers, he’s the only one who was thoughtful enough to even consider I might have been bleeding out my life’s blood on the floor of a cheap Mexican fast food chain (and getting salsa on another ring-tee), dying alone.

    Third, because of this horrific tragedy – the poor bastard gets stabbed in the gut with a knife! – I’m officially swearing off Del Taco from now on!

    It’s back to Taco Bell for me – food I can feel good about eating!  Plus they only have sporks there.

    Posted by on July 3, 2012, 4:51 AM.

Ted Parsnips: Too Many Kittens! © 2011–2017 Ted Parsnips. All rights reserved. Layout by Andrew Sylvester. All content property of Ted Parsnips or its respective owner, unless otherwise specified.