1. What You Need To Know About The Latest Trend In Lazy Headline Writing

    Culled from a Google News Search during one 24-hour period. And these are not even a tenth of them!

    wyntk1

    Keep it short, I’m reading this on my iPhone on the freeway.


    wyntk5

    There’s no such thing as “too many” possums.


    wyntk2

    (The author fell down before he managed to type “Know.”)


    wyntk6

    He’s frickin’ had it with you people trying to sneak through the express lane with 18 items!


    wyntk3

    No no no! I don’t need to know anything! I just this weekend started watching it on Netflix!


    wyntk8

    They discontinued the one shaped like Fred’s car when they introduced the Betty one.


    wyntk7

    Nothing, since you live in AmericaOh, you’re a Slate reader. Well, that explains it.


    wyntk9

    Chocodiles are addictive, I’ll admit, but I wouldn’t call them “the new drug.”  Oh – Krokodil.  My mistake.


    wyntk10

    Which boof can I score some Krokodil at?


    wyntk4

    You didn’t win.


    Now I don’t mean to suggest that every article featuring the words “What You Need To Know” in the headline is completely frivolous, presumptuously imparts artificial importance and implies personal value to a piece full of trivial nonsense. There are some things out there that, yes, you need to know! It’s just a matter of recognizing the difference between articles that offer information you might actually benefit from reading versus those you wouldn’t.

    For instance!

    Helpful after a catastrophe or other unfortunate situation:

    fema

    Impossible to imagine a set of circumstances where this would ever be of any use whatsoever:

    voice


    A valuable resource, I  presume:

    hepatitis

    This one you can safely skip:

    android

    (Unless it tells you whether the Android user you’re dating has Hepatitis A.)


    The article here…? Could be important; may keep you safe and out of the danger zone:

    typhoon2

    However, this one…  –Actually, you know, this one could suggest similar precautions to avoid tragedy:

    boombox


    And while this one may not seem important…

    womahol

    …maybe if you’d read it, you wouldn’t be considering this now:

    vasectomy

    Okay, I don’t know what that means, either, but there was some kind of joke there, right? There was something there!  Right?

    blogwrite

    …Yes, yes, yes, maybe I should read this one.

    Posted by on October 1, 2013, 11:28 PM.

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