Eggies Hard-Boiled Egg System: A Review!
LAST NIGHT was Erin’s weekly “Girls Night Out.” She and the rest of “the usual suspects” as I jokingly call them – Kelly, Lupita, Heather, Todd, Laura and Annette – all went out to see “Magic Mike” leaving me in charge of our little Ethan.
Well, I wasn’t about to sit home alone on a Friday night like some loser! I did what any one of you would do – I headed out for a bite to eat and then took a drive over to CVS to check out their “As Seen On TV” section. Oh, and I brought the baby along.
I don’t have to tell you fathers of young children out there – you know: Nature calls at the most inopportune times. I had just found the Eggies display when I suddenly had to piss like a racehorse! That’ll teach me to fill up on Diet Sierra Mist at Hooters during dinner. (I’m not going to drink beer with the kid with me – what the hell kind of father do you think I am?!)
Thankfully, I knew my local CVS has a public toilet for the use of both customers and homeless alike. But what to do with Ethan? I would have set him up at the digital photo kiosk at the front of the store and left him alone to play for a few minutes, but the last time I did that, the little rugrat managed to hit the screen in just the right sequence so I was on the hook for $60 of ceramic mugs featuring photos of people I don’t even know.
Of course next I tried the blood pressure machine, figuring if I timed it right, I could stick his little arm in the sleeve, activate it, and effectively keep him immobilized for a minute and a half while I literally ran to the men’s room.
No dice – it was out of goddamn order! (Thank Christ I wasn’t having a heart attack!)
So I had no alternative but to bring him in the bathroom with me.
I’m pleased to note that the good folks at CVS have partnered with the manufacturers of Safe-Sitter, so I had a place to stash him while I went. This wall mounted child seat was a godsend, so I could take him off my chest and out of his ergonomic baby carrier (actually just my old JanSport backpack, but without most of my gym stuff in it, and worn backwards) while Daddy tinkled.
However, due to the curvature of the bowl and my son’s leg-flailing rambunctiousness (he’s at that age!), there ended up being some collateral splashback (unavoidable!). So this post also conveniently serves to answer Erin’s question as to why the velcro on Ethan’s right Stride Rite was a bit damp when we got home.
By the way, my attorney continues to advise me that perhaps the more prudent, shorter post would simply read “Why the hell were these mounted so close together?!”