1. Big Lots Presents Circus Peanuts!

    SO I was in my local Big Lots the other day looking for a set of bed sheets that had been bought by someone else, opened, possibly used but not washed, returned, haphazardly repackaged with an excess of clear packing tape, and placed back on the shelf at the same price the last person paid for them.

    After I’d done that, I headed toward the front of the store when I came across these:

    Oh boy! Nearly a pound of the candy everybody hates, at only twice the price you’d pay for them anywhere else, if you’d ever buy them – which you wouldn’t.

    Circus peanuts, or as you and I like to call them, “giant orange vomit tablets,” are precisely the sort of thing you’d find hanging on a peg hook on that Wall of Miscellaneous Crap Candy in every Rite Aid, Walgreens and CVS, where a small bag of any of these things – be they circus peanuts or their equally hated siblings – Mary Janes, burnt peanuts, and the like – are marked “2/$1.00.”

    Even the modest handful they give you for fifty cents is too much.  You’ll be violently spewing them up in an orange froth of sugar, corn syrup, artificial flavoring, stomach bile and sauerkraut before you get to the last peanut! (Presuming you had sauerkraut for lunch, and knowing you, I think that’s a safe bet.)

    And Big Lots, a discount store, expects us to pay $3 for 15.5 ounces of these things and then be pleased with ourselves as though we got some sort of deal?  Well, here’s a deal for you: Don’t buy them!

    Don’t buy them and instead put that $3 to good use with the purchase of an 18.5 ounce bag of their delicious vintage 2011 Easter candy corn!

    Can we get a close-up of the bottom of the bag?

    Yep, here comes that sauerkraut.

    Posted by on March 1, 2012, 4:33 AM.

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