1. ¿What’s Bueno? Glutino Corn Bread Stuffing!

    ¿What's Bueno? I'll Tell You!

    LIKE YOU, I have little time for all this “gluten-free” nonsense we’ve all been subjected to over the last few years.

    In fact, I blogged about it at delightfully ponderous length back when my blog was still in its infancy. That was two years ago, and as I predicted then, gluten-free products have since gone the way of the dinosaur, the Edsel, the Disney Princess Jewelberry Pop-Tart.

    Indeed, such products were just another silly Big Grocery trend an idiotic public briefly embraced, like panini bread, dulce-de-leche flavored anything (known here in America as “caramel,” thank you very much!), and tampered bottles of acetaminophin pain relievers, all of which were eventually discontinued.

    Which explains why this stuff ended up – where else? – at the 99¢ Only store!


    And by “stuff” I mean stuff…ing.

    Now, of course, I didn’t try it – why would I? But even if there was some call for gluten-free products in the marketplace, I’m not sure a product called “Glutino Sans Gluten Free Mélange á Farce Corn Bread Stuffing” would have lasted much longer.

    “Farce” is right!

    First of all, they seem to be telling us they’re a gluten-free family of products, but their name brand – “Glutino” – sounds like it’s nothing but gluten. That’s like telling me that you’re allergic to spaghetti and then I fix you a great big bowl of Spaghettios.

    Well, it’s not quite like that, I suppose. But there’s something there. I mean, for God’s sake, they’re celebrating the word “gluten” like it’s a positive attribute. And it is – we both know gluten is delicious, but they’re part of the anti-gluten lobby. You…you see what I’m getting at, don’t you?

    Next, the product description: “Sans Gluten Free Stuffing.” Okay, it’s gluten-free, I guess. And according to them, that’s good. But wait – it says “sans” at the beginning, which means “without.” Which means it’s gluten-free stuffing without…I don’t know, the gluten-free aspect of it…? The double negatives cancel each other out…I think. So now it’s not gluten-free? Hell, if that were the case, I might have bought some!

    It’s not just me, right? They could have made this a lot clearer. The brand, the product name – it’s all incredibly confusing. And I’m not even touching on the bilingual aspect of it, which I know infuriates you even more than it does me.

    So that’s why this is our What’s Bueno at the 99¢ Only Store Item of the Week. Well, actually, my attorney telling me not to piss off any large multinational corporations is why. Have you tried this Glutino stuffing? Delicious! Good stuff!

    Wow, I’ve come a long way in two years, haven’t I? Today’s posts have a definite economy of style not present in my earlier work. Short, concise, to-the-point!

    Streamlined, brother! Positively streamlined!

    Posted by on March 12, 2013, 4:20 AM.

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