Happy Father’s Day!

Like you, I love my Dad – that is to say, I love my own Dad, and you love your own Dad.

(If you love my Dad, I’m probably in store for another talk like the one he had with me when he let me order anything I wanted at Friendly’s and then tried to explain to me why the woman who worked at the bar in the bowling alley would be picking me up after soccer practice from then on and also had keys to the house.)

And my Dad, like all Dads, is always telling me not to waste money on presents for him for Father’s Day – that a card is plenty.

Knowing his appreciation for thriftiness, I thought, “Why stop there? Why stop at forgoing the gift and just getting a card? Why not take it a step further by forgoing the gift and getting a really cheap card for him at the 99¢ Only Store?”

After all, it’s the thought that counts and by not spending $6.95 on one of those ostentatious luxury cards from the Hallmark Gold Crown Store I can afford to spend more time thinking nice thoughts of Dad and less time thinking terrible thoughts like how if I bought an expensive card, I wouldn’t have enough money left for a #1 at In-N-Out Burger.

So I considered all this over lunch and after I finished my Double-Double, fries and a Coke, I came to a decision and headed over to the 99¢ Only Store and perused their card selection where I found two that at first glance seemed ideal.

Ultimately, though, it wouldn’t have been efficient for my father to learn Spanish just so he knows how much I appreciate him always being there cuando I needed him, or (my second choice)  a humorous take on how he’s always losing the teledirección in the cushions of the sofá.

But then I discovered there’s an English section!

Soon I found a perfectly serviceable Father’s Day card for 99¢ only. It was in masculine tones of brown and blue and had a picture of a fishing pole and creel on the front.  (I opted for that over the one with the duck-hunting decoys on a bench with wood-working tools because that one was slightly larger and might have required additional postage.)

And while choosing just the right card, I noticed something disturbing.

Yes, we all know it’s the 99¢ Only Store; we’re none of us expecting to find high end Gibson Greeting-quality sentiments here, or poems that actually rhyme, or correct spelling and punctuation, or the inside of the cards typeset in anything other than Comic Sans. We know we’re getting crap. It’s not quality of the cards that bothers me.

However it would be nice if whoever actually stocks the cards in the racks makes a point of making sure they’re in front of the appropriate category headers.

Because this is kind of creepy.

Posted by Ted on June 17, 2012, 5:16 AM.