1. An Expensive Lesson Learned!

    Well, it’s official: I’m an idiot.

    A year and a half ago, I’m watching some infomercial at three in the morning, and I see something that I can’t live without. Now, to my credit, I didn’t buy it right then and there, though I did jot down the phone number for later. And I did my research – the reviews online were largely positive.

    But everyone I mentioned it to – my wife, our rabbi, my girlfriend, the gardener, my imam, the guy I meet on the DL at the airport Hilton when he’s in town every few months, the housekeeper who barged in on us, my son’s case worker, Bob from Sesame Street, the custodian who came in and helped clean up that time when I vomited during Zumbacise, the fellow who bought my Rollerblades at our yard sale, the woman who styles my hair at the blow dry bar, that asshole from Bible study who always gets to read first – everyone! – they all said the same thing:

    “Don’t buy it now! Wait a year or so until the price drops!”

    But did I listen?  Oh no, I had to have it then!

    So yesterday, I’m in the dollar store – the freaking dollar store! –  and guess what I see there.  Oh yes.  Oh yes.

    Sure it’s 100% Pure Stainless Steel Refined Into A Simple And Convenient To Use, The Use Of Mechanical Theory, Three Solid And Reliable, And Will Never Rust – but will it perform as well as the one I’d already bought?

    I’m going to let you be the judge:

    I deserve it, so go ahead and say it:  You told me so.

    I hope Ron Popeil’s enjoying his new goddamn hot tub.

    Posted by on September 29, 2011, 9:00 AM.

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