1. Sherman Versus Berman, Round II!

    IT OCCURS TO ME when I recently complained about all of those pointless political flyers I’d received in the mail (final tally: a ludicrous seventy-eight!), yet expressed amusement and delight with one of Brad Sherman’s mailers attacking Howard Berman, you might have misinterpreted my fondness for the ad as an endorsement of Sherman himself.

    No, no, a thousand times no!

    (It also occurs to me that my, what, six readers, none of whom likely reside in Southern California, have any interest in a local political race. Yet here I go again.)

    So in the interest of fairness – and, brother, if life were fair, neither of these jackasses would be running for office – in the interest of fairness, I offer what I have determined to be an accurate cross-section of the surprisingly disparate Brad Sherman voter demographic, courtesy the back page of that same flyer.

    Who’s Voting for Brad Sherman?
    1. Ethnically vague nap-sacked hermaphrodites
    2. Retired organ grinders
    3. Undocumented capybaras
    4. Carmen Zapata circa “Villa Alegre”
    5. Bobby Hill
    6. Deep Roy
    7. Fundamentalist Mormon sister-wives
    8. Julian Assange

    So there you have it. We’re all even-steven now.

    Wait, wait!

    Here’s today’s mail.        …Oh my. 

    Magnificent. Even if ’72 is a little early for the disco angle.

    Okay, I’m still not going to vote for either of these guys for Congress. But if Brad Sherman was nominated for Best Withering Political Attack Ad Campaign On Annoying Oversized Flyers That No One Ever Reads, he’d be on stage thanking the Academy tonight.

    Posted by on November 6, 2012, 4:04 AM.

  2. IKEA Does It Again!

    They’ve developed bed linens for people who hate changing their sheets!

    Posted by on November 5, 2012, 2:45 AM.

  3. Now Available In Target’s Christmas Section!

    “Honey, I was really hoping you would help us trim the tree this year – so we can do it together, as a family. And guess what – I picked up a special ornament just for you!”

    “Shut up, Mom! Can’t you see I’m busy?!”

    Posted by on November 3, 2012, 11:01 AM.

  4. The Last Bottle of Lemon Juice I’ll Ever Have to Buy!

    LIKE YOU, I was making guacamole the other night.

    As everyone knows, you add lemon juice to prevent browning. Who wants brown guacamole? No one, that’s who!

    My bottle of Mid East Lemon Blend was near empty, and I used the rest of it on the guac!

    I’d have to remember to buy more.

    Or would I? No, friends, I would not – because I noticed this on the back of the label:

    Anyway, it’s been over a day now and it’s still empty. Does anyone know how long it takes for a bottle of lemon juice to grow back?

    Posted by on November 2, 2012, 6:23 PM.

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